


A Goodbye

by vorpalsword



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Getting Closure, Hurt/Comfort, Reunions, They're best friends, am i crying or are you crying, because Donna Noble had the most tragic end and deserved better, discussion of past regenerations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-09-08 04:00:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20303521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vorpalsword/pseuds/vorpalsword
Summary: The Twelfth Doctor visits Donna and returns her memories on her last day.





	A Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have much experience writing this many Feelings, so let me know what you think.

** _Chiswick, 2064_ **

Donna Noble knew her time on Earth was coming to an end.

She wasn’t trying to be a downer or anything, but she was no spring chicken anymore, and she spent far more time in bed than out of it these days. That’s where she was now, sitting propped up in bed despite the fact that it was barely 4 o’clock in the afternoon. She just didn’t have the energy nowadays.

Donna looks out the bedroom window a bit wistfully. Maybe she could get one of the kids to take her out on a little walk tomorrow? That would be nice. Chiswick was lovely in autumn, though Donna sometimes wished she had ventured out a bit more - not stayed in her hometown, full of the same people and same things she had always known. She used to drag Shaun and the kids out on little “adventures” to explore the neighboring towns, but it never felt quite how she wanted it to. Shaun called it _ wanderlust _. (Her mum used to say it was just an excuse to be nosey somewhere else.)

To Donna, though, it just always felt like there was a little something missing. That she was meant to be doing something..._ more _ in her life, and she couldn’t figure out what it was or where she was supposed to be to do it. She never talked to Shaun and the kids about it; she didn’t want them to think she wasn’t happy, because she was happy - so, so happy with them. The only one entrusted to Donna’s secret had been her granddad - he had always understood her perfectly.

A soft knocking pulls Donna out of her thoughts.

“Mum, there’s someone here to see you…”

Donna looks away from the window to see her daughter standing in the doorway.

“He says he’s a doctor?” the young woman continues, sounding a bit confused.

“I told you, no more doctors,” Donna replies, trying to sound firm but kind at the same time. She knows her daughter only wants to help, but Donna’s tired of being examined. When it’s your time, it’s your time, after all. That’s what her granddad used to say.

“He also says he’s a friend of yours?”

“Oh,” Donna frowns, trying to remember having a friend who was a doctor. She feels the smallest twinge of an oncoming headache - she gets them sometimes, when she thinks too hard about something. Donna doesn’t feel up to dealing with a headache today so she decides to just go with it. “Alright then. Send him in.”

Donna’s daughter steps back to reveal a man dressed in - frankly, a ridiculous-looking velvet jacket and combat boots, of all things. He has sunglasses perched on top of grey hair that’s grown a bit wild and the most intense pair of eyebrows Donna has ever seen.

He looks much more like an angry magician or an aging rockstar than any doctor she’s ever seen.

He steps into the room as Donna’s daughter leaves, and when he sees her his face breaks into a huge grin.

“Donna Noble!”

_Scottish, huh._ _I thought he looked familiar but the Scottish is throwing me_, Donna thinks.

She gives him a hesitant smile and a hello.

For a moment he just stands there, staring at her and grinning like an idiot.

_ Oh, great. He’s a nutter. _

“Do you...want to sit down or something?” Donna finally asks, gesturing to the airchair near the bed.

“Yes! Yes, I do want to sit down. Thank you,” Scottish Eyebrows says. He plops down in the chair, all the while with that stupid grin on his face.

Donna narrows her eyes, studying him closely. He really _ did _ look familiar. She was starting to get a headache again, probably from staring so hard. 

She shakes her head, clears her throat, and says, “I don’t know...a nice way to say this, so I’m just gonna come out and say it, yeah?”

Scottish Eyebrows nods solemnly at her, so Donna continues, “I have _ no idea _who the hell you are.”

“I know,” he responds, attempting to look equally serious, but the corners of his mouth were already curving up into a smile again.

At Donna’s confused look, he leans in close and whispers like he’s imparting a secret.

“A long, long time ago, we traveled together, you and I. I invited you to come with me, told you I just wanted a mate.”

“Oi, you’re not mating with me, Eyebrows!”

But rather than having the good grace to look chastised, the man breaks out into another huge grin and laughs.

“I may be old and bedridden but I can still kick your arse, so don’t think you can try anything funny -”

“Donna Noble, you haven’t changed one bit.”

Donna’s getting annoyed with this guy now.

“Well I’d like to say the same about you, but seeing as I still have NO BLOODY IDEA WHO YOU ARE -”

“Oh, I’ve definitely changed since we met. In fact, I’ve changed twice,” Eyebrows’ grin widens, like this is an immensely funny joke.

“WHAT are you on about? Are you just talkin’ to talk? What kind of a doctor are you, anyways?”

Eyebrows suddenly goes very serious.

“I’m not _ a _ doctor, Donna. I’m _ the _ Doctor.”

_ Now what was THAT supposed to - _

And suddenly, it all came flooding back. 

_ A blue police box, a wedding dress, a giant spider woman. The fires of Pompeii, the song of the Ood, Agatha Christie and a giant wasp. Deadly shadows and Daleks and DoctorDonna and _ him _ , the Doctor, her best mate, with his dumb spiky hair and his sandshoes - _

And then there was nothing but pain, a red-hot, head-splitting pain burning behind her eyes, in her head, and Donna _ remembered _ , and she remembered why she wasn’t allowed to remember, and oh, it _ burned - _

And then just as suddenly, the pain stopped.

Donna opened her eyes to see the Doctor - _ he’s the Doctor! _\- hovering over her, gripping her shoulders and looking concerned.

“Donna? Are you alright? Does it still hurt?”

“No,” Donna replies shakily. “No, it stopped. Why did it stop? Doctor -”

“Neuro-inhibitor,” the Doctor replies. He taps a tiny patch placed on Donna’s neck. “Blocks the pain receptors in your brain, stops you from feeling it.”

“Huh,” Donna says, relaxing again back into the pillows. “Better than morphine, that’s for sure.”

“Quite,” the Doctor quips, letting go of Donna’s shoulders and sitting back in the chair.

Donna looks at him thoughtfully. He seems nervous now, and she can guess why.

“So...this is it for me, yeah? Cuz this neuro-thing, it’s just blocking out the pain. But inside my head, it’s still - it’s still -”

“Burning,” the Doctor confirms softly, voice full of regret and unable to meet her eyes.

“Thank you.”

The Doctor looks up, startled by the sincerity in her voice.

“For coming back. For letting me remember,” Donna has to choke out the words, because she’s starting to cry. “I know - I know how hard it must be for you, and I know you feel guilty. But I’m so, _ so _ happy to see you again, Spaceman.”

Donna watches as the Doctor’s eyes fill with tears too.

“...even if you clearly waited _ forever _ to come see me. Honestly, look at you, you’re ancient now!”

The Doctor chokes out a surprised laugh and answers, “You’re one to talk.”

Donna gasps in mock hurt.

“Rude!”

And then they’re both smiling stupid smiles and crying and Donna pulls the Doctor in for a long overdue hug.

xxx

When they both stop crying and clinging to each other for a minute, Donna asks about the Doctor’s new look.

“How’d you end up with this face? I mean, I know you’ve regenerated, obviously, and I was having trouble placing it at first, but you look just like that man from Pompeii - the one we rescued.”

The Doctor is quiet for a moment.

“I was...in a very bad place when I left my last body,” the Doctor explains slowly. “I had lost a lot of people I cared about, right after one another, and I felt like...like it was my fault.”

The Doctor swallows heavily, looking down at the floor. Donna reaches out to take his hand and gives it an encouraging squeeze. After a moment, the Doctor squeezes back and looks back up at her before continuing.

“Regeneration is always a lottery, overall, but you can sort of...direct it, sometimes. When I changed, I didn’t want to just be someone different. I wanted to be someone better. And then I woke up with this face,” the Doctor gestures to his features, “all grown-up and Scottish and attack eyebrows. It took me a while to place it, but when I did, I knew what had happened.”

He takes a deep breath.

“I needed to be reminded that even when you can’t save everyone, you should try to save someone.”

The Doctor smiles at Donna, who’s tearing up again.

“An old friend taught me that.”

Donna smiles back at him fondly, sniffles loudly.

_ What a sap, _she thinks.

But out loud she says, “Hang on. Didn’t you say something about regenerating _ twice _ before?”

The Doctor is no longer smiling.

“If this is your second face since I knew you, what was the last one like?”

“It doesn’t matter,” the Doctor says quickly.

Donna narrows her eyes at him.

“It doesn’t matter,” the Doctor insists, “because...you don’t need to know, because...you can’t meet him! So, you know, there’s really no need to -”

Donna cuts off his rambling.

“You’re being weird which means the last one was _ definitely _ embarrassing, which means I _ absolutely _ have to know everything right this instant.”

The Doctor groans.

“Do you have pictures? Please tell me you have pictures.”

There’s a bit of back and forth where the Doctor denies having pictures, and Donna accuses him of lying, and the Doctor insists, and Donna counters by telling him if there aren’t any pictures he’s just going to have to explain everything in vivid detail himself, which is such a cringe-worthy prospect that the Doctor suddenly remembers he _ does _ have a couple pictures after all.

“Oh my god, this is _ you? _”

Yup, the Doctor immediately regrets this.

“I thought Matchstick Man was young, but this - you’re a _ baby _!”

“I’m 1100 years old in that picture,” the Doctor grumbles.

Donna ignores him.

“Look at your little bow tie! And that _ hair _...what’s with you and hair anyways? You had that spiky nonsense when we traveled together, and there’s this floppy fringe, and now there’s -” Donna pauses to gesture to the Doctor’s current wild curls “- whatever’s happening here. All of time and space and nowhere to get a good haircut?”

“Okay, that’s enough of that,” the Doctor grouses, snatching back the pictures and tucking them away, but not before Donna catches a glimpse of the last one.

“Hang on, is that a _ fez? _”

xxx

Some things are easy - they fall right back into their old banter.

“So are you still bringing in all the ladies, or do those eyebrows scare them away?”

Donna asks in a pretend-casual tone.

“I did not “bring in” all the -” the Doctor starts to protest, but Donna cuts him off.

“Sorry, you’re right - the ladies AND the fellas,” Donna corrects, grin widening as the Doctor scoffs.

“I don’t -”

“Sorry, AND the aliens of indeterminate gender.”

The Doctor rolls his eyes.

Donna starts listing, counting off on her fingers, “Queen Victoria AND Queen Elizabeth, Shakespeare, that android that followed us around the Agamemnon system, the waiter at that anti-gravity restaurant, at least two cat-people - who were supposed to be nuns, mind you! - Agatha Christie at least a bit - I mean they _ always _ fancy you, don’t they? Can’t take you anywhere without heads turning.”

“Well, I’m very fanciable,” the Doctor says smugly, wiggling his giant eyebrows.

Donna snorts derisively.

“And it’s not just me,” the Doctor says, grin widening, “What about that sea slug on Aqua Minora, hmm? As I recall he found you quite captivating -”

“That was COMPLETELY different and you know it!”

xxx

Other things are harder.

“I should be angry with you, for what you did,” Donna says. “Really, really angry. And now I don’t have enough time left to be that angry, but I still am a bit, and I think you should know.”

“I did what I had to do,” the Doctor responds defensively. “If I hadn’t, you would’ve… I won’t apologise for saving you.”

“Yeah, I know,” Donna answers hotly. “I know, I would burn up from the inside out, but it was _ my _ brain burning and _ my _ memories at stake and it should have been _ my choice _ what to do about it. But you took that choice from me. And I know why you did it, and maybe I would have made the same decision anyways, but either way you shouldn’t have been the one to choose. You shouldn’t have taken that away from me.”

The Doctor glares at her for a moment, all Angry Eyebrows. But then he runs a hand over his face and mumbles, “You’re right...I’m sorry.”

Donna says, more gently, “I know you can’t understand what it’s like, to have someone get in your head and do that. The...betrayal of it.”

The Doctor looks down, not meeting her eyes.

She continues, “And how it feels after. I’ve gone through my whole life knowing _ something _ was missing, _ something _ was off, but I didn’t know what. I want you to promise me, Doctor. Promise you’ll never do something like that again, not ever, not to anyone else.”

The Doctor looks up at Donna with watery eyes. He nods once.

“I promise.”

xxx

Some things never change.

“Okay, I was _ clearly _ a Sontaran, I don’t know what you were thinking -”

The Doctor throws his hands in the air and then repeats the charade, which involves him raising his shoulders up to his ears, rubbing the top of his head in a circular motion, and then shooting an invisible opponent.

“See? Bald and shooty! That’s a Sontaran!”

“Yeah, but a Dalek is also bald and shooty!” Donna argues. 

“Don’t be ridiculous, Daleks don’t have hair,” the Doctor counters.

“That’s what I just said! Bald and shooty!”

“No, Sontarans are bald and shooty. Daleks are shooty and have no hair. It’s different.” 

The Doctor repeats his Sontaran mime, then demonstrates a Dalek. It looks exactly like being a Sontaran, only the Dalek version involves bending at the knee a bit to appear shorter.

“See? Totally different. Don’t know what you were thinking,” the Doctor says. “Honestly Donna, how could you mix up a Dalek and a Sontaran?”

“I don’t know, how is _ salt _TOO SALTY?!”

“Oh, not this again!”

xxx

But everything ends eventually.

“How much time have I got left?” Donna asks. “It can’t be long now.”

“No. Not long now,” the Doctor answers quietly.

“It’s funny to think about...the end,” Donna says contemplatively. “You spend your whole life knowing it’s going to happen one day, and when you get there, a part of you still doesn’t believe it’s happening. That you’ve used all your time and there’s not going to be any more, at least not like this.”

“Every night is the last night for something. Every Christmas is last Christmas,” the Doctor recites thickly, a faraway look in his eye.

Donna watches him thoughtfully, takes his hand in hers before speaking.

“It must be hard, to be you. To always outlive us. To always be the one left behind.”

The Doctor doesn’t say anything, but Donna can see the pain etched across his face.

“Is that why you never came back? The old you, I mean.”

“I was selfish,” the Doctor responds immediately.

“Yeah, you could be a bit of a prat,” Donna says with a hint of a smile. “But you do what’s right, in the end. That’s what’s important.” She squeezes his hand.

The Doctor looks down.

“I still need to be reminded sometimes,” he admits softly.

“Well then, I hope you’ve got someone around to help remind you,” Donna responds. She nudges the Doctor’s arm to make him look up at her. “Do you? Have someone?”

The Doctor shrugs a little, but there’s the hint of a smile on his face now.

“I think I might. Her name’s Bill. I don’t know a lot about her yet, but I can tell she’s special.”

Donna watches the soft expression on the Doctor’s face and smiles. He’s going to be okay.

“Go and have an adventure for me, Doctor. Show her the stars. Make her feel important, like you did for me.”

“I will,” he vows.

And Donna pulls her best friend in for a hug and says her final goodbye.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote an intro to this story from the Doctor’s perspective that places it at a specific point in the series, but then decided to remove it to keep it more open-ended for people who haven’t watched that far. However, for me, this takes place during S10E1 The Pilot, right after Twelve decides not to erase Bill’s memory. She tells him, "Just imagine how it would feel if someone did this to you." Obviously we’re meant to be thinking about Clara being erased from Twelve’s memories, but I thought he also must be thinking about how he erased Donna’s. So, in my head, Bill leaves Twelve’s office, prompting Twelve to take the TARDIS to visit Donna. He lands back outside the university and immediately picks Bill up to show her the universe, just like he promised Donna.


End file.
